i've got a world of vices on my shoulder and the older i get the more imperfect my life seems. and i can't find any motivation to strip myself from it all. i don't want to live this way but i don't want to die this way either. i'm not depressed, i'm just restless and obsessed with imperfection. i surround myself with drugs and parties and anything that can suck the drab out of the monotony of 24 hour days, and 7 days weeks, 12 month years.. it's so predictable i get lost in it.

the definiton of happiness is:
1.Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2.Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3.Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4.Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
5.
a.Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.
b.Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree. Often used in combination: money-happy; clothes-happy.

Definition 5a i think more closely defines addiction not happiness... but maybe i'm just addicted to happiness.. then why am i always so bitter and resentful. maybe the drugs don't work after all.